New Thoughts for the “New Year”

“What we have here… is a failure to communicate.” — spoken by The Captain, the imperious prison warden from Cool Hand Look 1967

I always remembered watching that when I was a little boy.  In fact that is the only thing I remember about the whole entire film beside Paul Newman getting his *ss kicked throughout the entire film.  But that quote transmits so much of what is reflected in how we relate to one another. In this society we have a serious issue with attaching ownership to emotions and things that we profess to love. However, when we examine the way we often treat those we claim to love, I believe that we could all agree that it is anything but a reflection of our own need to feel important. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the 5 Love Languages, which speaks about how we interpret love in 5 primary ways and how to understand your own way of understanding love so that you can broaden, as well as, get your needs met in relationships.

For example, my children are little people that come into the world to reflect a particular experience that is to be played out in the theatre of family dynamics. This process compresses and brings individuals through various experiences that may one day culminate in an Aha! moment for them.  Yet they accumulate so many of life’s complexities that seemingly take them away from their Aha! moment so that year after year, layer after layer is placed upon the mask that eventually becomes who they present to the world and who they convince themselves they really are.
Yet what many of us reflect often is an amalgamation of expectations, beliefs, wants, wishes and desires of those around us, which in many cases has very little to do what with what we originally sought to reflect in the world.

My thought for this “New Year” is to allow communication to reflect the values of what we want to see in the world.  The things that we want people to remember about us.  The impact that we want to have on the world.  If you currently do not know what impression you would like to leave upon the world, then, that should serve as a  path of discovery to this level of communication. This process won’t always be pretty, it won’t always be what you want to hear, but if it is coming from a place of love make sure that it is true, kind, necessary or better than silence (a jewel of Zen passed to me by my friend Shaila).



Self Love (Repost)

Love is often an elusive thing, something that we pursue in different ways. They say men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love, I say both are futile attempts to arrive at a place called love. However, without experiencing Self love how can you find love some where else? How will you recognize something that is only a vague idea or memory from infancy?

We often pursue love as a feeling. This too is fraught with problems. The first being that Love is not initially a feeling. Love is an action, it is something you do it is an expression of maturity and an understanding of self, purpose and interconnectedness. The feeling that we equate with love is something that you experience after love is experienced it is a sense of joy, inner peace and yes pleasure that is felt. But the feeling is not the love and the love is not the feeling herein lies the rub.

We often experience things, perform rituals and practices without really knowing why we do them. When we seek love it is no different we are seeking that feeling that we associate with love rather than creating love within our selves. Like attracts like. If you don’t like the way you look, the way you sound, how you act, the way you smell? Then how can you expect someone else to like it much less love it. We become so focused on the physical we are duped into believing that the physical is what we are, when in reality we are so much more. The love that we must have for our Self comes from understanding and knowing Self, from understanding why we are doing what we are doing and what to do about the things we no longer want to nor need to do.

Love of self is an expression of spiritual maturity that enables us to give to our selves without conditions without strings without self denigration. When we can do this then we are ready to love another soul be it our children, our mates, our lovers, our friends, or our family.

Without self love we are destined to embroil one another in a desperate game of energy conquest, manipulation and mutual disrespect. With it the possibilities are limitless.